Of Titles and Trials

So, I was thinking how funny it'll be to add Esq. to the end of my name, once I'm a realy lawyer man. Why esquire? Well a little internet research tell me that:

“In 14th century England, when the title Esquire (Esq.) was first
recorded, it meant "shield-bearer," and referred to a county gentleman
aspiring to knighthood, who could gain that rank by apprenticeship to
a knight. But the original esquires were probably biblical, the title
having been used in 1 Samuel 14, when Saul's son Jonathan called the
young man who bore his armour his "armour-bearer."

But when Esquire crossed the ocean, it encountered an American society
that disdained honorifics indicating social rank. Article I, Section
9(8) of the United States Constitution forbades such titles: "No title
of nobility shall be granted...." So Esquire came to indicate
occupation, not social status. In the 19th century it designated a
justice of the peace or an associate judge, and finally was expanded
to include lawyers.

However, Esquire is also a men's magazine. So what if I chose a different men's magazine to be a suffix to my professional name? Jason J. Salvo, G.Q. Jason J. Salvo, Men's Health. Jason J. Salvo, Maxim. Personally, I'm partial to Jason J. Salvo, Playboy. I also like Jason J. Salvo, Hustler. The problem with Hustler as a moniker is that lawyers already have a reputation for being slimeballs, cheats, and the like, and being a hustler would merely add fuel to that perceptional fire. That's why, once I'm a real law talkin' guy, my business cards will say Jason J. Salvo, Playboy. That particular soubriquet should add just the right amount of je ne sais qua to really throw people off guard. And that is the point of such things, right?